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kowaiyoukaiTitle: We Reach Our Apogee Slowly (Part 8)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kowaiyoukai
Rating: R
Pairing: eventual like whoa Kirk/Spock (STFU), Spock/Uhura (blame JJ, not me)
Warning(s): Angst, meta, language, attempts at witty banter, overly-important tone, intentionally confusing parts, potentially OOC everybody
Spoilers: Star Trek XI (2009) (a.k.a. Star Trek XI, Star Trek 2009, Star Trek Reboot, New Trek, and can we please just pick one name for this fandom people?!)
Word Count: 7,100
Disclaimer: Star Trek belongs to Gene Roddenberry, mostly, but also a lot of other people/groups like Paramount, J.J. Abrams, and the various writers/directors. I'm not one of those people, sadly, because if I was I'd be filthy rich.
Beta Acknowledgment: None! I know there are errors, so please let me know if you see any! Thanks!
Summary: Jim quickly realized he was going to have to break the rules if he wanted to survive on the Enterprise.
A/N: This was a very strange part to write, I think. Some info that needed to get out there, and a few scenes that had me pondering what the heck was going on in my mind. *headdesk*
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Othersides 1 | Part 6a | Part 6b | Part 6c | Part 7
As people went, Jim thought he was about average. Maybe even a little below. Nothing in particular stood out as being exceptional or horrific about him. He was smart, sure, but lots of people got good grades and knew a lot of random facts. It was practically a requirement to graduate from Starfleet Academy. And yeah, he knew he had been the top of his class, but that didn't make him feel any more intelligent than other people he knew. Everyone had their own field of expertise. Spock was the best scientist, McCoy the best doctor, and Scotty the best engineer. Jim couldn't compete with any of them in those areas. He had a large field of knowledge that covered almost every area, but he lacked the minutiae. All the details that people who had studied in those areas had learned were beyond him. He could make snap judgment calls and decide instantly how to react to any given situation—but that didn't mean his decisions were flawless. He knew he made mistakes. He tried to limit them, but they still happened.
People also said he was charming and extremely sociable. Well, maybe they had a point and maybe they didn't. Being friendly and willing to make conversation seemed like poor examples of charming behavior to him, especially in Starfleet where people had to learn diplomacy. His accidental use of a hand gesture or phrase could start or stop a war. The lives of his crew were always his responsibility, and often the lives of other people as well. He was in charge of keeping the peace and restoring it when it was broken, but he was also supposed to protect against invasion and threats by any means necessary. He needed to be able to completely trust every member of his crew and rely on them to do their jobs, but he also needed to catch their mistakes and correct them, and he needed to be able to act quickly against any crew member who disobeyed orders or mutinied. It went without saying that anyone expected to do all of that, and more, had to be good at dealing with people. Jim didn't think he was particularly better or worse at it than the majority of starship Captains were. It was just a part of his job.
He knew some people thought he was attractive—well, okay, a lot of people if he was being honest. But oddly enough that never mattered in all the most important situations and relationships in his life. If he was a great Captain, that was because of his own skills and the teamwork his crew had, not because of his looks. Of course, the people he was currently closest to were equally unfazed. The people he'd fooled around with in the past had no real importance in his life, so it didn't actually matter if they had given his appearance any thought at all. McCoy had probably never even thought about how attractive Jim was. And it was more than obvious that Spock couldn't have cared less about how anyone appeared, Jim included. But he wasn't going to start thinking about all the ways he simply was not what Spock wanted.
The point was, Jim hadn't done anything yet to merit all of this attention he was getting. Defeating Nero had been a team effort. It would have been impossible to do alone. He'd take the praise and the starship, sure, but he wasn't entirely sure he had earned either. There was a fine line between being rewarding for your work and being rewarded for who you were. Jim wasn't sure which side of the line he fell on.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It had been a boring few days in terms of work. They had gone back to charting out new sections of the galaxy, which was the most tedious job they had to do. Jim was thankful he could order people to do it for him. Otherwise, he might kill himself to stop the monotony.
Although if he was being honest, he couldn't really complain. His mind felt like it was being pulled in a thousand different directions. He still had reports to read and logs to make. Besides that, Pike's warning about New Vulcan was a steady pressure in the back of his mind. There had been no news on that front, but that didn't mean nothing was happening. No doubt Jim would find out about whatever was going on when it was much too late to do anything about it. Not that he knew what the problem was or what his plan would be to stop it. But he knew he would have a plan if he just knew what the hell was going on.
To get his mind off of all those unanswered questions, Jim began doing daily check-ups at all the different stations throughout the Enterprise. It wasn't a big deal—just popping in to see who was working and who was slacking off and who wanted to grab some food when he was hungry. He made small talk with the crew, and most of them were dealing with the fact that their Captain was bored out of his mind and needed to find ways to entertain himself. In a few days Jim had learned more about the exact processes of replicating food, stopping a leak in a water tank, and updating historical records than he had ever wanted to know.
Even all of that was not enough to get his mind off of Spock. His damn First Officer was going to drive him crazy. He had seen Spock with Uhura a lot more than usual since they had last spoken. He knew he'd been the one to encourage Spock to try and make things work with her but, despite his efforts to stop acting childish, he felt a sharp pain that had him standing up straighter and clenching his teeth whenever he saw them together. He would eventually get over it, he knew he would, but the longer this went on the more he thought he truly needed to tell somebody about it.
The worst part of it all was he had no idea how to go about flirting with a guy. He knew enough about flirting with chicks to write an encyclopedia on the subject, but guys were a whole new area. He really didn't think complimenting Spock's outfit or carrying something heavy for him was going to do the trick. Jim actually had no idea what it was about himself that was appealing to people, specifically girls, so he had no idea how to use that to make himself more appealing to Spock. The sad thing was that, even if he had known, chances were Spock wouldn't have even noticed his attempt.
Jim passed by sick bay on his way to the lift, and his steps faltered. He had been planning on going down to engineering to say hi to Scotty and see who he could annoy, but he might be able to catch McCoy now. Not that he knew what he would say. But he clearly needed some sort of guidance. All this waiting was driving him insane. It had been over two weeks since he'd figured it out. The fact that he'd kept quiet this long actually kind of astounded him.
Just as Jim was about to turn around to go in and see if McCoy was there, the door opened. McCoy and Spock walked out, both silent, and both of them stopped when they saw Jim. McCoy immediately walked up to him and hit him on the arm while Spock stood back and nodded at him. Jim had a moment where all he could think was that they had just been talking about him and he would die if McCoy had said anything incriminating. Shit, McCoy knew about a lot of things Jim wasn't particularly keen on Spock finding out.
"Jim," McCoy said, a smile slowly spreading across his face. "Didn't expect to see you here."
"Are you in need of medical attention, Captain?" Spock asked, face as blank as always but Jim thought he detected concern, though it could have just as easily been wishful thinking.
Jim saw McCoy's smile fade and he quickly shook his head before they could make any further assumptions about the logical reasons he'd be loitering outside sick bay. "No. No, I'm fine."
"So what brings you here?" McCoy asked.
"Oh, uh, I was just, you know, walking," Jim said. He waited a beat and realized that probably hadn't been a very good answer. "Around."
McCoy stared at him. Spock raised an eyebrow.
"You know, I am the Captain," Jim said, huffily. "I can walk around if I want to." Changing the subject quickly was probably the only way out of this. "And anyway, what are you doing here?" Jim asked, looking at Spock.
"There was an error in one of the medical reports that Doctor McCoy had filed about the unknown disease on Lambda Four. I brought the original file so Doctor McCoy could update it with the correct information," Spock explained.
Jim looked at McCoy questioningly. "A mistake? You?" He frowned. "That's not like you."
McCoy rolled his eyes. "As much as it pains me to correct you, I'm actually not perfect."
"Oh my God!" Jim shouted.
"Occasionally I make mistakes," McCoy continued. Jim threw both hands up to cover his horrified expression. "I know it shocks you. Try not to panic."
"I'm all in states now," Jim said, letting his hands drop. "So how'd you screw up?"
McCoy shook his head. "I forgot to list a few of the trials I'd done on the experimental medication and the results of them. It's fixed now. No harm, ho foul."
"Well that's good," Jim replied. He looked at Spock and asked, "Heading to the bridge?"
"Yes," Spock answered. "Doctor McCoy and I were on our way there now."
"Oh," Jim said. "Well, guess I'm coming along, then."
"Finished your walk around the ship?" McCoy asked, slightly bemused.
"Yep. Captainy things to do now, you know how it goes," Jim said, shrugging.
Jim walked towards the lift with McCoy and Spock walking on either side. It felt strange, but good, to be walking with both of them at the same time when no one was dying and there was no epic disaster to take care of. For some reason, Jim had unconsciously placed McCoy and Spock into two different sections in his mind, and throwing them suddenly together like this was a bit disconcerting.
"So how's Uhura?" McCoy asked Spock, without warning.
Jim's head whipped around to face McCoy, eyebrows furrowed with his mouth slightly open. Why would McCoy ask Spock how Uhura was? Why would anyone want to bring that up? Did he know something Jim didn't? Was he just trying to be friendly? McCoy looked back at Jim, giving him a what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you look, and Jim tried to school his expression into friendly interest.
"As far as I am aware, Lieutenant Uhura is fine," Spock replied.
"Hm. You two are hitting it off, then?" McCoy continued. Jim wondered if he could strangle McCoy and then pretend it had been an accident.
Spock looked confused and before he could even ask, Jim said, "He's asking how things are going between you and Uhura. Um, romantically."
"Ah," Spock said. "I am going to make every attempt to ensure our relationship is a successful one."
For a moment Jim thought he had died. Then he realized his heart actually hadn't exploded out of his chest, leaving his internal organs splayed across the corridor. He swallowed convulsively and hoped he hadn't appeared too obvious, but he didn't risk glancing at either of them. He didn't know what his face looked like. He couldn't give himself away.
"So you like her?" McCoy asked, clearly not knowing when to shut the fuck up and leave people to wallow in their misery in peace.
"Yes," Spock said, shortly. "I do."
Jim sucked in a sharp breath. That was news to him. Last time they'd talked, Spock had said he wasn't interested in her. Had he really changed his mind? If that was the case, Jim's situation had just gone from bad but bearable to completely hopeless and pathetic.
"But before," Jim started and then quickly shut up. He swallowed when he realized they were both looking at him, waiting for him to finish. "I mean, uh, you said you weren't all that into her."
Spock paused. "It is my goal to try and make the relationship between myself and Lieutenant Uhura a successful one."
"Oh," Jim said, quietly. "Okay."
The lift was in sight, and Jim walked faster, hitting the button several times in quick succession. McCoy looked at him askance, clearly wondering what was up, but Spock only stared at the lift doors, waiting for them to open. The lift ride was short and silent. Jim knew he was probably acting strangely, but he didn't really care. When they finally got to the bridge, Jim practically ran to his chair for the comfort he knew it would give him. He specifically did not look at Uhura as he passed her, knowing there was nothing he could do and she really couldn't be blamed for the situation. He just had to remember his place, that was all. Spock went to his station without another word, thank God. McCoy lingered for a few minutes, attempting to make idle conversation, but Jim really was not in the mood and McCoy left before ten minutes had passed, giving Jim an exasperated look on his way out.
Well, what was Jim supposed to do? Act all sunshine and bunnies now? The conversation had been a nightmare. He'd need to find a way to tell McCoy what was going on, and soon, because he didn't think he could take another scene like that one.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It seemed as though every time Spock turned a corner he found someone else trying to avoid him. The crew was alternatively anxious of or intimidated by him. Either way meant the same thing—they cleared the way without being asked, never made eye contact, and saluted quickly, hoping they wouldn't get into trouble for not following even the smallest bit of procedure. Spock knew it was his job to have the crew concerned with doing their jobs to the best of their abilities, but it was still a bit disconcerting.
Not that they didn't have reason to be anxious and intimidated. Spock was on a mission to find and reprimand the three officers who had been in charge of repairing a few meters of wire that connected various circuits to control the lighting and temperature controls in five recreation rooms. They had turned in their report, stating the job was done, and an hour later requests for repairs had been filed for the exact same problem.
Obviously something had gone wrong. There were several logical explanations which did not involve negligence on the officers' part. The problem could be a larger one that would need more than a simple fix, in which case someone from engineering would be called in. The wire that the officers had used might have been damaged or faulty. Another area of wiring might need to be replaced. The buttons on the control panel might be damaged or faulty. Perhaps the entire area needed to be reprogrammed from scratch due to mechanical failure that could only be fixed electronically. All of those explanations, and plenty more, made perfect sense.
However, intuition was telling Spock that none of that had occurred. The most likely problem was that the job had been done incorrectly. After all, if they had replaced the wiring correctly and the lights and temperature controls were still broken, they would no doubt have called for engineering to have a look. The fact that they had turned in a report which stated the problem was fixed when it clearly wasn't—that was what concerned him.
Spock found the three officers in the mess hall, talking animatedly over a late dinner. He strode over to them, prepared to ask them to leave the mess hall so he could speak with them in private. The three officers were all cadets who had gotten onto the Enterprise on the Nero mission. This wasn't a surprise, since the majority of the crew had been there that first time, but it did mean that Spock knew they had to be treated with finesse. The cadets who had never been assigned to any starship before were still incredibly new. Two months on the job did little to give them the wisdom and experience they needed to be effective crew members.
"Will the three of you follow me?" Spock asked, polite but firm. "I must speak with you privately and immediately."
"Yes, sir," the first one said, jumping up and almost knocking his plate over in his haste. Spock placed his face to the personnel files he had checked before coming and recognized him as Ensign Hannigan.
The second officer nodded and wiped his mouth none too subtly, pushing his tray away as he stood up. "Just let me put this away, sir," he said, picking up his tray and walking quickly to the trash disposal area. Spock recalled his name was Ensign Tatsushi.
Hannigan picked up his tray and said, "Sorry, sir, I should too…" He hesitated and Spock nodded, which allowed Hannigan to run off without feeling insubordinate.
Throughout this, the third one, Ensign Wilshaw, sat calmly and continued eating.
"I would suggest you follow the example your co-workers have set for you," Spock said, feeling his patience run thin. This kind of thing only happened with new officers.
"In a minute," Wilshaw replied.
Spock blinked, taken aback. This kind of behavior could not be tolerated, regardless of the situation. "That was not a request."
"Funny, sir. It sounded like one to me," Wilshaw said. "I can't tell the difference when you talk like that."
Spock hesitated as he saw the two other officers returning and Wilshaw continued being obstinate. He hadn't checked out the Academy records for these officers, but perhaps he should have. He would not be so foolish next time this happened. Currently, though, all Spock could do was make one more attempt to get Wilshaw to leave quietly.
"I am ordering you to clean up your tray and follow me," Spock stated. There was no way to misinterpret that. By now the first two officers were within earshot, and of course there were several crew members from other tables watching. This could become problematic.
Wilshaw sneered. "Us humans have to eat or else we can't do our jobs," he said, not even looking up at Spock. "Sir."
"Patrick," Hannigan whispered, glancing hurriedly at Spock. He was standing close to Wilshaw and no doubt assumed Spock couldn't hear him, but of course most people were unaware of how the senses were enhanced for Vulcans, particularly hearing. "What are you doing? The Captain's gonna kill you."
"Are you refusing to follow orders, Mr. Wilshaw?" Spock asked, still speaking calmly.
Hannigan and Tatsushi both looked as if they were about to be violently ill. Wilshaw continued sitting there, not even bothering to answer Spock this time.
Spock turned around and walked to the communicator by the door of the mess hall. He pressed the button and spoke into the intercom as Wilshaw's eyes flashed. "Security, send a guard to the mess hall immediately."
The security guard came before Wilshaw could do more than stand up in anger. Spock gestured to him, saying, "Arrest Mr. Wilshaw and confine him to his quarters."
Wilshaw glared at Spock as he passed but did nothing else. Hannigan, Tatsushi, and the rest of the mess hall watched him go with a mixture of fear and relief. Spock tried not to let the incident faze him. He had a job to do, and he was going to do it.
Of course, after that incident, Hannigan and Tatsushi were more than ready to accept the blame for the wiring problem. Spock sorted it out quickly. It had been an accidental error on their part. The wires were supposed to connect one way but they had put them together wrong. It took less than five minutes to fix, during which time Spock stood there and explained to them what their error had been and how to avoid doing the same in the future. They accepted the censure with dignity and Spock was satisfied with the results.
He would need to speak with Him about Wilshaw. There wasn't much that could be done right now. Relieving him of duty would be the best course of action, but keeping a guard stationed outside his quarters until they could drop him back off on Earth seemed an illogical waste of resources. Maybe another solution would present itself.
The problem was that there were crew members who would never have graduated from Starfleet Academy if their class hadn't been decimated by Nero. The majority of their crew were competent and willing to work, but Spock was more aware now than he ever had been of just how much he needed the obedience of every crew member, regardless of whether or not they had the knowledge they needed to do what was required of them. When the occasional crew member who should not be on board the Enterprise was combined with prejudice, it only ended in contempt. Spock had not missed the way Wilshaw had emphasized ‘humans'. He also vividly remembered Sulu's warning and reassurances.
If there were other crew members who felt this way, they needed to be found as soon as possible. Any delay would only cause a larger problem when they were eventually dealt with—however Jim chose to act.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Spock knew he was different from everyone else. There was the obvious—being half-human and half-Vulcan, forced to live in two different worlds and two opposing mindsets simultaneously. That would have been enough to set him apart by itself. Unfortunately, he couldn't even claim that was all that had him stand out from everyone else, although the majority of it did stem from that unlikely mixture. His misunderstanding of many aspects of human culture always put him at odds with whoever was around. He felt emotions strongly but knew he couldn't show them—which meant the constant accusations about him having no emotions left a lasting impression on him. His attempts at friendship were often ignored by people who were simply unable to understand what he had been trying to do. In fact, only the people he worked closest with had a chance at understanding him, and often even they were confused or uncertain.
Uhura had problems understanding him just like everyone else did. He also knew that she viewed him as being different from other people, and that she counted that among the top reasons why he was desirable. Spock was fairly sure he didn't want people to form relationships with him based on his heritage and social standing, or lack thereof. The fact that it seemed to be a huge contributing factor in why Uhura had become interested in him was off-putting in every way. Still, Spock had agreed that he would try and he would. He would work his hardest to ensure that he gave this relationship a fair chance. Then, after these last four months had passed, he could reach an actual decision using all the data he had gathered. It was incredibly logical.
Jim didn't seem to care at all that he was half-human half-Vulcan. Jim was the only person Spock had ever met who hadn't tried to change anything about him and who simply accepted all of his actions with his usual charm and kindness. Jim also didn't try to pretend that he was more logical or intelligent—which some people did, although for Jim that really wouldn't have been necessary given the Captain's remarkably high intelligence. It was nice to be treated as an equal, as someone who could play games and have serious and light-hearted discussions and be counted on in an emergency. Jim was the only person who treated Spock as if he was average and not someone rare and confusing to deal with.
The problem was that everything he knew set him apart was caused by circumstances of his birth and how he had been raised. He knew he was an excellent officer, but there were many excellent officers and being good at his job wasn't exactly what Spock wanted to be known for. He wanted to do something incredible—something that would be talked about for years after he'd died. He wanted to have such a huge impact on the world that nobody could ever think that he had only been an outcast. Spock had no desire to be known as the most famous of all half-human half-Vulcans. Yet everywhere he went, that was what people saw. Especially now with Vulcan destroyed, all remaining Vulcans had unintentionally attained a certain legendary status. He hoped he would be viewed by his actions and accomplishments alone, but if he was not, well, there really was nothing he could do to change the minds of people who were unwilling to look past the color of his blood.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Spending the night bullshitting with McCoy hadn't been his plan, but Jim was relieved all the same. It was nice being able to just relax when you knew someone really well. He knew McCoy wouldn't judge him even when he said stupid, ridiculous things. He could bitch and moan about work and then listen to McCoy bitch and moan about the idiots who injured themselves in new and exciting ways every day. Poker nights were nice, but spending some time alone with his best friend was something Jim had missed recently. He hadn't realized just how much of his energy he was putting into his work and his relationship with Spock. There wasn't a whole lot of time left for anything else.
McCoy was sitting at a table in sick bay, arms folded on the table. Jim was standing a few feet away, leaning against some machine that he was sure was worth more than his annual salary. It was currently off, though, so Jim felt all right about the whole thing.
"So this girl comes in," McCoy said, starting another story when Jim still had tears in his eyes from laughing so hard at the last one. "And she's got this huge cut along her forearm." McCoy ran a finger over the outside of his arm, from just under his elbow to his wrist.
Jim sucked in a breath through his teeth. "Shit, that's dangerous."
"No shit," McCoy said, blandly. "Well, being the exceptional doctor I am, I ask her how she got it. You know what she says?" He waited a moment. "She tells me she was involved in a discussion on theoretical potassium-based life forms in the mess hall and leaned forward on the table where she'd left her damn steak knife, sharp side facing her, of course."
Jim's eyes widened. "How could you forget that?"
"Beats me," McCoy said. "And that's not the worst of it. She's so involved in the discussion that she actually doesn't notice the cut until she feels something wet dripping on her leg."
"Shut. The fuck. Up," Jim said. "You're lying."
"You can't make this shit up," McCoy replied. "So when her blood's all over the place she decides it might be a good time to go to sick bay. But first she cleans up her dishes because that's the sensible thing to do."
Jim bit his lower lip trying not to grin too brightly. "I don't even understand."
"Yeah, well, you and me both," McCoy said. "She had to actually have moved her arm along the edge of the blade as she was talking, back and forth, like this." McCoy moved his arm in the air a few inches forward and back several times. "Otherwise the cut wouldn't have been so deep."
Jim blinked. "Damn."
"Let me tell you, I learned more about theoretical potassium-based life forms in that half-hour than I ever wanted to know," McCoy grumbled. "I'm a doctor, not a theoretical biologist. Why these people think their hobbies interest me…"
Jim grinned outright. "Aw, come on, Bones. They're just trying to be nice."
"Maybe they should spend less time being nice and more time being aware of their surroundings," McCoy muttered.
Jim shook his head. "Hey, you're the one who signed up for the job."
"I know, I know," McCoy said. "And I love the work, you know I do. But damn it, Jim, I never realized just how stupid people can be."
"Then you're late to the party," Jim replied. "I've known people were stupid for years."
McCoy sighed. They lapsed into companionable silence. Jim always enjoyed spending time with McCoy. It was good to hear he was keeping himself busy. No matter how much he complained about the patients he got, he'd be even worse off with nothing to do all day long other than stare at the door and hope someone was injured.
Jim looked around the room briefly, noticing again how everything was in order here. McCoy took care of the sick bay like it was his quarters, which actually wasn't too far off from the truth. Thanks to his position, McCoy was often called to the sick bay at odd hours to treat whatever the nurses couldn't handle by themselves. All of the nurses on the Enterprise were more than competent, but there were always incidents that popped up, especially with a crew as eclectic as the one Jim had.
"So what was your problem?" McCoy asked, abruptly.
The question was so unexpected and off-topic that Jim could only blink, wondering what the hell McCoy was talking about. "My problem?" he repeated.
"When we were walking to the lift with Spock, you had a shit fit." McCoy frowned and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the edge of the table. "What's going on?"
"I didn't have a shit fit," Jim replied, tense and uncomfortable. "I just… wasn't prepared."
"Prepared?" McCoy asked. "Prepared for what?"
"For that whole…" Jim trailed off, gesturing wildly and hoping his flinging hands would get his meaning across. "Thing."
McCoy rubbed a hand over his eyes. "I don't get it." Jim was quiet, hoping McCoy would explain without requiring any further details. "It's just that you never seemed that into Uhura," McCoy continued. "I'm surprised you're taking it this way."
Jim started laughing, so loudly it bounced off the walls and seemed to smack into him, each echo a slap in his face. "Uhura? I'm not into Uhura."
"Then what?" McCoy asked.
Jim realized his shoulders were shaking. He couldn't tell if it was from the laughter or the nerves or just that he was so fucked up right now that he just wasn't able to be still. He thought McCoy knew he didn't want to be with Uhura—he'd said as much to him a few times. So the question was why was he asking. And the answer Jim got frightened him so much he went completely still, not blinking, not breathing, just waiting for the look of revulsion he knew he'd see on McCoy's face.
"Jim?" McCoy asked, frowning. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Jim said so quickly it almost sounded like one syllable. He swallowed and turned to the door. "I'm going."
"Jim?" McCoy's voice was full of confusion, but that was easy to ignore considering the other option.
Jim left. He just turned around and walked out, seeing McCoy's confusion turn to frustration and worry but unable to do anything about it. He'd thought he could handle it. He'd thought it had been enough time, that it wouldn't matter anymore, that he would be all right confiding in someone he trusted with something that was important no matter what the topic was. But this was one topic Jim still didn't know what to do with. He could never be sure, he reminded himself. There was no way to know, and once it was out there he couldn't take it back.
What if McCoy hated him? What if, after he said all of his stupid thoughts and fears, McCoy decided Jim was a freak and didn't want to be friends anymore? God, listen to him, he was being ridiculous. "Didn't want to be friends anymore"—seriously, why was he always acting like such a girl? But no matter how ridiculous it seemed, Jim remembered his step-father's voice, and his mother's careful apathy, and the way being with another guy had never even been an option for him regardless of what he thought, and suddenly it all added up to losing the only friend he'd come to rely on. Jim wasn't prepared for that.
He couldn't take not being with Spock and destroying his friendship with McCoy. Since he couldn't have what he really wanted, he'd hold onto what he already had and forget the rest of it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Spock was walking towards the bridge the next morning when Jim jogged down the corridor, stopping him with a hand on his arm.
"What the hell happened?" Jim asked, bewildered.
There was no mistaking what he was referring to. "I was planning on informing you when I saw you this morning."
"Why didn't you tell me if it happened last night?" Jim asked. His hand tightened on Spock's arm before he let go. Spock had noticed Jim doing that more than usual lately. "You should have told me straight away."
"There was no immediate need to bother you with this information," Spock replied. "The insubordinate officer is currently being held in his quarters. Since we are not near Earth, and therefore this situation would have no quick solution, I believed it would be best for you to enjoy your night off and not concern yourself with this matter."
"Spock, you idiot," Jim said, running a hand over his face. Spock tensed, knowing Jim was irritated but unsure why. "If you've ever got a situation with an officer being an asshole, I want you to tell me about it right away, all right?"
"I am perfectly capable of dealing with these types of situations without your assistance," Spock replied, slightly offended at what Jim was implying.
"No, I mean, yeah, I know you are, that's not the point," Jim said, causing Spock further confusion and explaining nothing at all. "I'm the Captain. I want to know if a member of my crew is causing trouble. And I especially want to know if someone's saying shit that…"
Spock waited for Jim to finished whatever he had been about to say, but he remained silent. It would be difficult to question Jim on this simply because Spock really had no idea what the problem was. Part of his duties as First Officer was to reprimand the crew, and Jim had never said anything about it before now. This wasn't the first time he had disciplined an officer without Jim's approval, and it certainly wasn't going to be the last. The only difference in this situation was Spock's suspicions that the man had motivations that were based more on prejudice than on a simple attitude problem. He couldn't help but wonder if Wilshaw would have listened to the order had it come from Jim.
"I had no difficulties," Spock said, hoping Jim would understand that and let it pass. "However I will be sure to inform you of any insubordination in the future."
"As soon as it happens," Jim stated. "I want to know the minute something like this is going on." Jim grit his teeth, eyes narrowed and dark. "If there's anybody else here who has problems following your orders, they don't belong here." Jim's heel was slowly grinding down into the ground. His hands were fisted and he was clearly not getting any calmer. "Or in Starfleet."
Spock was surprised by the vehemence in Jim's voice. Of course, he agreed. Any officer who would disobey the First Officer was not welcome in any chain of command Spock had ever known. Yet Jim was so furious about this. Spock would have understood it more if it had been Jim who had been challenged. But since it was obviously a matter that Spock needed to resolve himself, Jim's personal interest in it was a bit much. Still, Spock knew Jim was a loyal friend—his anger was most likely on Spock's behalf, which was thoughtful but also completely unnecessary.
"I appreciate your concern," Spock said. "I will inform you immediately the next time a similar situation occurs."
That seemed to make Jim relax slightly. At least, he stopped grinding his heel into the floor. "So what do you want to do with him?"
Spock raised an eyebrow. "I believe that is entirely up to you, Captain."
Jim looked at Spock incredulously. "Oh, come on," he said, taking a step towards Spock and then quickly away again. "Don't you want to figure out what his punishment is? I mean, I know I'd want to do it if I was you."
The corner of Spock's mouth lifted upwards. "I have no doubt about that. Be that as it may, it is standard procedure that the Captain decides the punishment for insubordination."
Jim rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. "Okay, fine, then I'm asking you to advise me. As my First Officer, you can do that, right?"
"Of course," Spock replied.
"Excellent," Jim answered, grinning evilly. "So what should we do to him?"
Spock closed his eyes for a few seconds and opened them, deeply unsatisfied to see Jim remained half-insane. "Jim," he said, gently. "There really is no reason to become so agitated over this incident."
"No reason," Jim repeated, scowling.
"No," Spock replied. "There is not. Please stop acting deranged in a misguided attempt to defend my honor."
Jim stared at Spock for a moment before he spluttered. "Deranged? I'm not acting deranged," he scoffed. "I'm doing what any sensible person would do."
"Which is?" Spock asked.
"Get really fucking pissed off," Jim replied, eyes glinting. "I get that's not your thing, so I'm doing it for you. No worries there."
Spock realized with heavy resignation that Jim was going to be angry until he had punished Wilshaw. The idea was actually quite appealing to Spock, in that some type of punishment needed to occur and if Jim doing it would get him to calm down, then everything was solved. So Spock looked at Jim another moment before nodding. Jim showed his teeth in what was supposed to be a smile but instead was overtly threatening.
"Good. Let's go," Jim said.
Spock followed him to Wilshaw's quarters, unsure how he should proceed. It was his duty to reprimand the crew, but if Jim wanted to do it Spock had no particular qualms about that. Maybe all he'd be expected to do was look foreboding in the background. Spock could look foreboding like nobody's business. He considered it a necessary job skill.
Wilshaw was in his quarters, of course, with one guard who looked slightly bored waiting outside. The guard straightened up when Jim and Spock came by. Jim nodded at him and he opened the door, allowing them to enter Wilshaw's room.
At first, it appeared empty, but a second look showed Spock that Wilshaw was sitting in the far corner with his eyes closed. He looked up when they entered, eyes widening and then narrowing in quick succession. Jim walked over to stand in front of him as Wilshaw scrambled to his feet. It was clear that he respected Jim, possibly even admired him. This only convinced Spock that the entire altercation had been evidence of the prejudice Sulu had warned him about.
"Captain," Wilshaw said, standing at attention and saluting him.
Jim sneered at him. "I'm not your Captain," he replied.
Wilshaw looked confused, hesitant. "Sir?"
"I will not have any members of my crew express insubordination or intolerance. Is that understood?" Spock hadn't known Jim's voice could sound so cold.
"Yes, sir," Wilshaw said, but his body language didn't agree with his words and Spock knew Jim noticed it too.
"I'm recommending that you be dishonorably discharged," Jim said. Wilshaw's eyes widened, and Spock couldn't blame him. He hadn't expected the punishment to go that far. "I'll be dropping you off at the next Federation outpost, where you can take the next ship to Earth."
"Please, sir, it was a misunderstanding, I just—" Wilshaw began, but Jim cut him off.
"Your record and the eyewitnesses say otherwise," Jim replied. "You might be able to get out of the discharge if you make a good case. But I doubt it." He turned his back on Wilshaw and began walking out of the room. "We will be at the outpost in two hours. Pack your bags. You'll be on Earth within the week."
"It was just one mistake!" Wilshaw exploded, throwing his hands out to his sides. "I should at least get a second chance!"
Jim whirled on him. Spock watched him in awe. He had never seen Jim so furious before. "Unless you conveniently forgot, this assignment was your third chance."
Wilshaw's eyes widened. "Those were just misunderstandings!"
Jim shook his head. "You bring disgrace to that uniform every second you wear it." He turned and walked out, pausing only to tell the guard, "We're through here. Don't let him out of this room."
Spock followed Jim down the corridor, feeling an odd mixture of pride and fondness. This man was going to become someone great, someone so powerful and important that words would hardly be able to describe him. Spock had thought it before, and now he thought it again. It was a privilege to be able to watch Jim as he grew into his command.
Almost a minute after they'd been walking, Jim turned to Spock, eyes lit up and breath coming in short, heavy bursts. "That was kind of awesome," he said. Then he grinned and Spock was reminded who Jim really was and why, even now, Spock wanted so badly to be around him whenever he could.
Two hours later, after Wilshaw beamed down to the outpost with his belongings, Jim ordered the ship to warp away, back towards their original destination. Spock looked over at him, saw that Jim was already watching him, and nodded once, firmly.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Part 9
Feedback is love. <3
EDIT: OMGnix_this did Apogee fanart!! ♥ ♥ ♥ She made Spock in the lake from 6b YAYZ!! And it is beautifully awesomesauce and win in every way. I'm not biased. Actually I think he looks better here than the way I wrote it, LOL. So give her some love, people! *loves upon muchly*
Author:
kowaiyoukaiRating: R
Pairing: eventual like whoa Kirk/Spock (STFU), Spock/Uhura (blame JJ, not me)
Warning(s): Angst, meta, language, attempts at witty banter, overly-important tone, intentionally confusing parts, potentially OOC everybody
Spoilers: Star Trek XI (2009) (a.k.a. Star Trek XI, Star Trek 2009, Star Trek Reboot, New Trek, and can we please just pick one name for this fandom people?!)
Word Count: 7,100
Disclaimer: Star Trek belongs to Gene Roddenberry, mostly, but also a lot of other people/groups like Paramount, J.J. Abrams, and the various writers/directors. I'm not one of those people, sadly, because if I was I'd be filthy rich.
Beta Acknowledgment: None! I know there are errors, so please let me know if you see any! Thanks!
Summary: Jim quickly realized he was going to have to break the rules if he wanted to survive on the Enterprise.
A/N: This was a very strange part to write, I think. Some info that needed to get out there, and a few scenes that had me pondering what the heck was going on in my mind. *headdesk*
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Othersides 1 | Part 6a | Part 6b | Part 6c | Part 7
As people went, Jim thought he was about average. Maybe even a little below. Nothing in particular stood out as being exceptional or horrific about him. He was smart, sure, but lots of people got good grades and knew a lot of random facts. It was practically a requirement to graduate from Starfleet Academy. And yeah, he knew he had been the top of his class, but that didn't make him feel any more intelligent than other people he knew. Everyone had their own field of expertise. Spock was the best scientist, McCoy the best doctor, and Scotty the best engineer. Jim couldn't compete with any of them in those areas. He had a large field of knowledge that covered almost every area, but he lacked the minutiae. All the details that people who had studied in those areas had learned were beyond him. He could make snap judgment calls and decide instantly how to react to any given situation—but that didn't mean his decisions were flawless. He knew he made mistakes. He tried to limit them, but they still happened.
People also said he was charming and extremely sociable. Well, maybe they had a point and maybe they didn't. Being friendly and willing to make conversation seemed like poor examples of charming behavior to him, especially in Starfleet where people had to learn diplomacy. His accidental use of a hand gesture or phrase could start or stop a war. The lives of his crew were always his responsibility, and often the lives of other people as well. He was in charge of keeping the peace and restoring it when it was broken, but he was also supposed to protect against invasion and threats by any means necessary. He needed to be able to completely trust every member of his crew and rely on them to do their jobs, but he also needed to catch their mistakes and correct them, and he needed to be able to act quickly against any crew member who disobeyed orders or mutinied. It went without saying that anyone expected to do all of that, and more, had to be good at dealing with people. Jim didn't think he was particularly better or worse at it than the majority of starship Captains were. It was just a part of his job.
He knew some people thought he was attractive—well, okay, a lot of people if he was being honest. But oddly enough that never mattered in all the most important situations and relationships in his life. If he was a great Captain, that was because of his own skills and the teamwork his crew had, not because of his looks. Of course, the people he was currently closest to were equally unfazed. The people he'd fooled around with in the past had no real importance in his life, so it didn't actually matter if they had given his appearance any thought at all. McCoy had probably never even thought about how attractive Jim was. And it was more than obvious that Spock couldn't have cared less about how anyone appeared, Jim included. But he wasn't going to start thinking about all the ways he simply was not what Spock wanted.
The point was, Jim hadn't done anything yet to merit all of this attention he was getting. Defeating Nero had been a team effort. It would have been impossible to do alone. He'd take the praise and the starship, sure, but he wasn't entirely sure he had earned either. There was a fine line between being rewarding for your work and being rewarded for who you were. Jim wasn't sure which side of the line he fell on.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It had been a boring few days in terms of work. They had gone back to charting out new sections of the galaxy, which was the most tedious job they had to do. Jim was thankful he could order people to do it for him. Otherwise, he might kill himself to stop the monotony.
Although if he was being honest, he couldn't really complain. His mind felt like it was being pulled in a thousand different directions. He still had reports to read and logs to make. Besides that, Pike's warning about New Vulcan was a steady pressure in the back of his mind. There had been no news on that front, but that didn't mean nothing was happening. No doubt Jim would find out about whatever was going on when it was much too late to do anything about it. Not that he knew what the problem was or what his plan would be to stop it. But he knew he would have a plan if he just knew what the hell was going on.
To get his mind off of all those unanswered questions, Jim began doing daily check-ups at all the different stations throughout the Enterprise. It wasn't a big deal—just popping in to see who was working and who was slacking off and who wanted to grab some food when he was hungry. He made small talk with the crew, and most of them were dealing with the fact that their Captain was bored out of his mind and needed to find ways to entertain himself. In a few days Jim had learned more about the exact processes of replicating food, stopping a leak in a water tank, and updating historical records than he had ever wanted to know.
Even all of that was not enough to get his mind off of Spock. His damn First Officer was going to drive him crazy. He had seen Spock with Uhura a lot more than usual since they had last spoken. He knew he'd been the one to encourage Spock to try and make things work with her but, despite his efforts to stop acting childish, he felt a sharp pain that had him standing up straighter and clenching his teeth whenever he saw them together. He would eventually get over it, he knew he would, but the longer this went on the more he thought he truly needed to tell somebody about it.
The worst part of it all was he had no idea how to go about flirting with a guy. He knew enough about flirting with chicks to write an encyclopedia on the subject, but guys were a whole new area. He really didn't think complimenting Spock's outfit or carrying something heavy for him was going to do the trick. Jim actually had no idea what it was about himself that was appealing to people, specifically girls, so he had no idea how to use that to make himself more appealing to Spock. The sad thing was that, even if he had known, chances were Spock wouldn't have even noticed his attempt.
Jim passed by sick bay on his way to the lift, and his steps faltered. He had been planning on going down to engineering to say hi to Scotty and see who he could annoy, but he might be able to catch McCoy now. Not that he knew what he would say. But he clearly needed some sort of guidance. All this waiting was driving him insane. It had been over two weeks since he'd figured it out. The fact that he'd kept quiet this long actually kind of astounded him.
Just as Jim was about to turn around to go in and see if McCoy was there, the door opened. McCoy and Spock walked out, both silent, and both of them stopped when they saw Jim. McCoy immediately walked up to him and hit him on the arm while Spock stood back and nodded at him. Jim had a moment where all he could think was that they had just been talking about him and he would die if McCoy had said anything incriminating. Shit, McCoy knew about a lot of things Jim wasn't particularly keen on Spock finding out.
"Jim," McCoy said, a smile slowly spreading across his face. "Didn't expect to see you here."
"Are you in need of medical attention, Captain?" Spock asked, face as blank as always but Jim thought he detected concern, though it could have just as easily been wishful thinking.
Jim saw McCoy's smile fade and he quickly shook his head before they could make any further assumptions about the logical reasons he'd be loitering outside sick bay. "No. No, I'm fine."
"So what brings you here?" McCoy asked.
"Oh, uh, I was just, you know, walking," Jim said. He waited a beat and realized that probably hadn't been a very good answer. "Around."
McCoy stared at him. Spock raised an eyebrow.
"You know, I am the Captain," Jim said, huffily. "I can walk around if I want to." Changing the subject quickly was probably the only way out of this. "And anyway, what are you doing here?" Jim asked, looking at Spock.
"There was an error in one of the medical reports that Doctor McCoy had filed about the unknown disease on Lambda Four. I brought the original file so Doctor McCoy could update it with the correct information," Spock explained.
Jim looked at McCoy questioningly. "A mistake? You?" He frowned. "That's not like you."
McCoy rolled his eyes. "As much as it pains me to correct you, I'm actually not perfect."
"Oh my God!" Jim shouted.
"Occasionally I make mistakes," McCoy continued. Jim threw both hands up to cover his horrified expression. "I know it shocks you. Try not to panic."
"I'm all in states now," Jim said, letting his hands drop. "So how'd you screw up?"
McCoy shook his head. "I forgot to list a few of the trials I'd done on the experimental medication and the results of them. It's fixed now. No harm, ho foul."
"Well that's good," Jim replied. He looked at Spock and asked, "Heading to the bridge?"
"Yes," Spock answered. "Doctor McCoy and I were on our way there now."
"Oh," Jim said. "Well, guess I'm coming along, then."
"Finished your walk around the ship?" McCoy asked, slightly bemused.
"Yep. Captainy things to do now, you know how it goes," Jim said, shrugging.
Jim walked towards the lift with McCoy and Spock walking on either side. It felt strange, but good, to be walking with both of them at the same time when no one was dying and there was no epic disaster to take care of. For some reason, Jim had unconsciously placed McCoy and Spock into two different sections in his mind, and throwing them suddenly together like this was a bit disconcerting.
"So how's Uhura?" McCoy asked Spock, without warning.
Jim's head whipped around to face McCoy, eyebrows furrowed with his mouth slightly open. Why would McCoy ask Spock how Uhura was? Why would anyone want to bring that up? Did he know something Jim didn't? Was he just trying to be friendly? McCoy looked back at Jim, giving him a what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you look, and Jim tried to school his expression into friendly interest.
"As far as I am aware, Lieutenant Uhura is fine," Spock replied.
"Hm. You two are hitting it off, then?" McCoy continued. Jim wondered if he could strangle McCoy and then pretend it had been an accident.
Spock looked confused and before he could even ask, Jim said, "He's asking how things are going between you and Uhura. Um, romantically."
"Ah," Spock said. "I am going to make every attempt to ensure our relationship is a successful one."
For a moment Jim thought he had died. Then he realized his heart actually hadn't exploded out of his chest, leaving his internal organs splayed across the corridor. He swallowed convulsively and hoped he hadn't appeared too obvious, but he didn't risk glancing at either of them. He didn't know what his face looked like. He couldn't give himself away.
"So you like her?" McCoy asked, clearly not knowing when to shut the fuck up and leave people to wallow in their misery in peace.
"Yes," Spock said, shortly. "I do."
Jim sucked in a sharp breath. That was news to him. Last time they'd talked, Spock had said he wasn't interested in her. Had he really changed his mind? If that was the case, Jim's situation had just gone from bad but bearable to completely hopeless and pathetic.
"But before," Jim started and then quickly shut up. He swallowed when he realized they were both looking at him, waiting for him to finish. "I mean, uh, you said you weren't all that into her."
Spock paused. "It is my goal to try and make the relationship between myself and Lieutenant Uhura a successful one."
"Oh," Jim said, quietly. "Okay."
The lift was in sight, and Jim walked faster, hitting the button several times in quick succession. McCoy looked at him askance, clearly wondering what was up, but Spock only stared at the lift doors, waiting for them to open. The lift ride was short and silent. Jim knew he was probably acting strangely, but he didn't really care. When they finally got to the bridge, Jim practically ran to his chair for the comfort he knew it would give him. He specifically did not look at Uhura as he passed her, knowing there was nothing he could do and she really couldn't be blamed for the situation. He just had to remember his place, that was all. Spock went to his station without another word, thank God. McCoy lingered for a few minutes, attempting to make idle conversation, but Jim really was not in the mood and McCoy left before ten minutes had passed, giving Jim an exasperated look on his way out.
Well, what was Jim supposed to do? Act all sunshine and bunnies now? The conversation had been a nightmare. He'd need to find a way to tell McCoy what was going on, and soon, because he didn't think he could take another scene like that one.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It seemed as though every time Spock turned a corner he found someone else trying to avoid him. The crew was alternatively anxious of or intimidated by him. Either way meant the same thing—they cleared the way without being asked, never made eye contact, and saluted quickly, hoping they wouldn't get into trouble for not following even the smallest bit of procedure. Spock knew it was his job to have the crew concerned with doing their jobs to the best of their abilities, but it was still a bit disconcerting.
Not that they didn't have reason to be anxious and intimidated. Spock was on a mission to find and reprimand the three officers who had been in charge of repairing a few meters of wire that connected various circuits to control the lighting and temperature controls in five recreation rooms. They had turned in their report, stating the job was done, and an hour later requests for repairs had been filed for the exact same problem.
Obviously something had gone wrong. There were several logical explanations which did not involve negligence on the officers' part. The problem could be a larger one that would need more than a simple fix, in which case someone from engineering would be called in. The wire that the officers had used might have been damaged or faulty. Another area of wiring might need to be replaced. The buttons on the control panel might be damaged or faulty. Perhaps the entire area needed to be reprogrammed from scratch due to mechanical failure that could only be fixed electronically. All of those explanations, and plenty more, made perfect sense.
However, intuition was telling Spock that none of that had occurred. The most likely problem was that the job had been done incorrectly. After all, if they had replaced the wiring correctly and the lights and temperature controls were still broken, they would no doubt have called for engineering to have a look. The fact that they had turned in a report which stated the problem was fixed when it clearly wasn't—that was what concerned him.
Spock found the three officers in the mess hall, talking animatedly over a late dinner. He strode over to them, prepared to ask them to leave the mess hall so he could speak with them in private. The three officers were all cadets who had gotten onto the Enterprise on the Nero mission. This wasn't a surprise, since the majority of the crew had been there that first time, but it did mean that Spock knew they had to be treated with finesse. The cadets who had never been assigned to any starship before were still incredibly new. Two months on the job did little to give them the wisdom and experience they needed to be effective crew members.
"Will the three of you follow me?" Spock asked, polite but firm. "I must speak with you privately and immediately."
"Yes, sir," the first one said, jumping up and almost knocking his plate over in his haste. Spock placed his face to the personnel files he had checked before coming and recognized him as Ensign Hannigan.
The second officer nodded and wiped his mouth none too subtly, pushing his tray away as he stood up. "Just let me put this away, sir," he said, picking up his tray and walking quickly to the trash disposal area. Spock recalled his name was Ensign Tatsushi.
Hannigan picked up his tray and said, "Sorry, sir, I should too…" He hesitated and Spock nodded, which allowed Hannigan to run off without feeling insubordinate.
Throughout this, the third one, Ensign Wilshaw, sat calmly and continued eating.
"I would suggest you follow the example your co-workers have set for you," Spock said, feeling his patience run thin. This kind of thing only happened with new officers.
"In a minute," Wilshaw replied.
Spock blinked, taken aback. This kind of behavior could not be tolerated, regardless of the situation. "That was not a request."
"Funny, sir. It sounded like one to me," Wilshaw said. "I can't tell the difference when you talk like that."
Spock hesitated as he saw the two other officers returning and Wilshaw continued being obstinate. He hadn't checked out the Academy records for these officers, but perhaps he should have. He would not be so foolish next time this happened. Currently, though, all Spock could do was make one more attempt to get Wilshaw to leave quietly.
"I am ordering you to clean up your tray and follow me," Spock stated. There was no way to misinterpret that. By now the first two officers were within earshot, and of course there were several crew members from other tables watching. This could become problematic.
Wilshaw sneered. "Us humans have to eat or else we can't do our jobs," he said, not even looking up at Spock. "Sir."
"Patrick," Hannigan whispered, glancing hurriedly at Spock. He was standing close to Wilshaw and no doubt assumed Spock couldn't hear him, but of course most people were unaware of how the senses were enhanced for Vulcans, particularly hearing. "What are you doing? The Captain's gonna kill you."
"Are you refusing to follow orders, Mr. Wilshaw?" Spock asked, still speaking calmly.
Hannigan and Tatsushi both looked as if they were about to be violently ill. Wilshaw continued sitting there, not even bothering to answer Spock this time.
Spock turned around and walked to the communicator by the door of the mess hall. He pressed the button and spoke into the intercom as Wilshaw's eyes flashed. "Security, send a guard to the mess hall immediately."
The security guard came before Wilshaw could do more than stand up in anger. Spock gestured to him, saying, "Arrest Mr. Wilshaw and confine him to his quarters."
Wilshaw glared at Spock as he passed but did nothing else. Hannigan, Tatsushi, and the rest of the mess hall watched him go with a mixture of fear and relief. Spock tried not to let the incident faze him. He had a job to do, and he was going to do it.
Of course, after that incident, Hannigan and Tatsushi were more than ready to accept the blame for the wiring problem. Spock sorted it out quickly. It had been an accidental error on their part. The wires were supposed to connect one way but they had put them together wrong. It took less than five minutes to fix, during which time Spock stood there and explained to them what their error had been and how to avoid doing the same in the future. They accepted the censure with dignity and Spock was satisfied with the results.
He would need to speak with Him about Wilshaw. There wasn't much that could be done right now. Relieving him of duty would be the best course of action, but keeping a guard stationed outside his quarters until they could drop him back off on Earth seemed an illogical waste of resources. Maybe another solution would present itself.
The problem was that there were crew members who would never have graduated from Starfleet Academy if their class hadn't been decimated by Nero. The majority of their crew were competent and willing to work, but Spock was more aware now than he ever had been of just how much he needed the obedience of every crew member, regardless of whether or not they had the knowledge they needed to do what was required of them. When the occasional crew member who should not be on board the Enterprise was combined with prejudice, it only ended in contempt. Spock had not missed the way Wilshaw had emphasized ‘humans'. He also vividly remembered Sulu's warning and reassurances.
If there were other crew members who felt this way, they needed to be found as soon as possible. Any delay would only cause a larger problem when they were eventually dealt with—however Jim chose to act.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Spock knew he was different from everyone else. There was the obvious—being half-human and half-Vulcan, forced to live in two different worlds and two opposing mindsets simultaneously. That would have been enough to set him apart by itself. Unfortunately, he couldn't even claim that was all that had him stand out from everyone else, although the majority of it did stem from that unlikely mixture. His misunderstanding of many aspects of human culture always put him at odds with whoever was around. He felt emotions strongly but knew he couldn't show them—which meant the constant accusations about him having no emotions left a lasting impression on him. His attempts at friendship were often ignored by people who were simply unable to understand what he had been trying to do. In fact, only the people he worked closest with had a chance at understanding him, and often even they were confused or uncertain.
Uhura had problems understanding him just like everyone else did. He also knew that she viewed him as being different from other people, and that she counted that among the top reasons why he was desirable. Spock was fairly sure he didn't want people to form relationships with him based on his heritage and social standing, or lack thereof. The fact that it seemed to be a huge contributing factor in why Uhura had become interested in him was off-putting in every way. Still, Spock had agreed that he would try and he would. He would work his hardest to ensure that he gave this relationship a fair chance. Then, after these last four months had passed, he could reach an actual decision using all the data he had gathered. It was incredibly logical.
Jim didn't seem to care at all that he was half-human half-Vulcan. Jim was the only person Spock had ever met who hadn't tried to change anything about him and who simply accepted all of his actions with his usual charm and kindness. Jim also didn't try to pretend that he was more logical or intelligent—which some people did, although for Jim that really wouldn't have been necessary given the Captain's remarkably high intelligence. It was nice to be treated as an equal, as someone who could play games and have serious and light-hearted discussions and be counted on in an emergency. Jim was the only person who treated Spock as if he was average and not someone rare and confusing to deal with.
The problem was that everything he knew set him apart was caused by circumstances of his birth and how he had been raised. He knew he was an excellent officer, but there were many excellent officers and being good at his job wasn't exactly what Spock wanted to be known for. He wanted to do something incredible—something that would be talked about for years after he'd died. He wanted to have such a huge impact on the world that nobody could ever think that he had only been an outcast. Spock had no desire to be known as the most famous of all half-human half-Vulcans. Yet everywhere he went, that was what people saw. Especially now with Vulcan destroyed, all remaining Vulcans had unintentionally attained a certain legendary status. He hoped he would be viewed by his actions and accomplishments alone, but if he was not, well, there really was nothing he could do to change the minds of people who were unwilling to look past the color of his blood.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Spending the night bullshitting with McCoy hadn't been his plan, but Jim was relieved all the same. It was nice being able to just relax when you knew someone really well. He knew McCoy wouldn't judge him even when he said stupid, ridiculous things. He could bitch and moan about work and then listen to McCoy bitch and moan about the idiots who injured themselves in new and exciting ways every day. Poker nights were nice, but spending some time alone with his best friend was something Jim had missed recently. He hadn't realized just how much of his energy he was putting into his work and his relationship with Spock. There wasn't a whole lot of time left for anything else.
McCoy was sitting at a table in sick bay, arms folded on the table. Jim was standing a few feet away, leaning against some machine that he was sure was worth more than his annual salary. It was currently off, though, so Jim felt all right about the whole thing.
"So this girl comes in," McCoy said, starting another story when Jim still had tears in his eyes from laughing so hard at the last one. "And she's got this huge cut along her forearm." McCoy ran a finger over the outside of his arm, from just under his elbow to his wrist.
Jim sucked in a breath through his teeth. "Shit, that's dangerous."
"No shit," McCoy said, blandly. "Well, being the exceptional doctor I am, I ask her how she got it. You know what she says?" He waited a moment. "She tells me she was involved in a discussion on theoretical potassium-based life forms in the mess hall and leaned forward on the table where she'd left her damn steak knife, sharp side facing her, of course."
Jim's eyes widened. "How could you forget that?"
"Beats me," McCoy said. "And that's not the worst of it. She's so involved in the discussion that she actually doesn't notice the cut until she feels something wet dripping on her leg."
"Shut. The fuck. Up," Jim said. "You're lying."
"You can't make this shit up," McCoy replied. "So when her blood's all over the place she decides it might be a good time to go to sick bay. But first she cleans up her dishes because that's the sensible thing to do."
Jim bit his lower lip trying not to grin too brightly. "I don't even understand."
"Yeah, well, you and me both," McCoy said. "She had to actually have moved her arm along the edge of the blade as she was talking, back and forth, like this." McCoy moved his arm in the air a few inches forward and back several times. "Otherwise the cut wouldn't have been so deep."
Jim blinked. "Damn."
"Let me tell you, I learned more about theoretical potassium-based life forms in that half-hour than I ever wanted to know," McCoy grumbled. "I'm a doctor, not a theoretical biologist. Why these people think their hobbies interest me…"
Jim grinned outright. "Aw, come on, Bones. They're just trying to be nice."
"Maybe they should spend less time being nice and more time being aware of their surroundings," McCoy muttered.
Jim shook his head. "Hey, you're the one who signed up for the job."
"I know, I know," McCoy said. "And I love the work, you know I do. But damn it, Jim, I never realized just how stupid people can be."
"Then you're late to the party," Jim replied. "I've known people were stupid for years."
McCoy sighed. They lapsed into companionable silence. Jim always enjoyed spending time with McCoy. It was good to hear he was keeping himself busy. No matter how much he complained about the patients he got, he'd be even worse off with nothing to do all day long other than stare at the door and hope someone was injured.
Jim looked around the room briefly, noticing again how everything was in order here. McCoy took care of the sick bay like it was his quarters, which actually wasn't too far off from the truth. Thanks to his position, McCoy was often called to the sick bay at odd hours to treat whatever the nurses couldn't handle by themselves. All of the nurses on the Enterprise were more than competent, but there were always incidents that popped up, especially with a crew as eclectic as the one Jim had.
"So what was your problem?" McCoy asked, abruptly.
The question was so unexpected and off-topic that Jim could only blink, wondering what the hell McCoy was talking about. "My problem?" he repeated.
"When we were walking to the lift with Spock, you had a shit fit." McCoy frowned and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the edge of the table. "What's going on?"
"I didn't have a shit fit," Jim replied, tense and uncomfortable. "I just… wasn't prepared."
"Prepared?" McCoy asked. "Prepared for what?"
"For that whole…" Jim trailed off, gesturing wildly and hoping his flinging hands would get his meaning across. "Thing."
McCoy rubbed a hand over his eyes. "I don't get it." Jim was quiet, hoping McCoy would explain without requiring any further details. "It's just that you never seemed that into Uhura," McCoy continued. "I'm surprised you're taking it this way."
Jim started laughing, so loudly it bounced off the walls and seemed to smack into him, each echo a slap in his face. "Uhura? I'm not into Uhura."
"Then what?" McCoy asked.
Jim realized his shoulders were shaking. He couldn't tell if it was from the laughter or the nerves or just that he was so fucked up right now that he just wasn't able to be still. He thought McCoy knew he didn't want to be with Uhura—he'd said as much to him a few times. So the question was why was he asking. And the answer Jim got frightened him so much he went completely still, not blinking, not breathing, just waiting for the look of revulsion he knew he'd see on McCoy's face.
"Jim?" McCoy asked, frowning. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Jim said so quickly it almost sounded like one syllable. He swallowed and turned to the door. "I'm going."
"Jim?" McCoy's voice was full of confusion, but that was easy to ignore considering the other option.
Jim left. He just turned around and walked out, seeing McCoy's confusion turn to frustration and worry but unable to do anything about it. He'd thought he could handle it. He'd thought it had been enough time, that it wouldn't matter anymore, that he would be all right confiding in someone he trusted with something that was important no matter what the topic was. But this was one topic Jim still didn't know what to do with. He could never be sure, he reminded himself. There was no way to know, and once it was out there he couldn't take it back.
What if McCoy hated him? What if, after he said all of his stupid thoughts and fears, McCoy decided Jim was a freak and didn't want to be friends anymore? God, listen to him, he was being ridiculous. "Didn't want to be friends anymore"—seriously, why was he always acting like such a girl? But no matter how ridiculous it seemed, Jim remembered his step-father's voice, and his mother's careful apathy, and the way being with another guy had never even been an option for him regardless of what he thought, and suddenly it all added up to losing the only friend he'd come to rely on. Jim wasn't prepared for that.
He couldn't take not being with Spock and destroying his friendship with McCoy. Since he couldn't have what he really wanted, he'd hold onto what he already had and forget the rest of it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Spock was walking towards the bridge the next morning when Jim jogged down the corridor, stopping him with a hand on his arm.
"What the hell happened?" Jim asked, bewildered.
There was no mistaking what he was referring to. "I was planning on informing you when I saw you this morning."
"Why didn't you tell me if it happened last night?" Jim asked. His hand tightened on Spock's arm before he let go. Spock had noticed Jim doing that more than usual lately. "You should have told me straight away."
"There was no immediate need to bother you with this information," Spock replied. "The insubordinate officer is currently being held in his quarters. Since we are not near Earth, and therefore this situation would have no quick solution, I believed it would be best for you to enjoy your night off and not concern yourself with this matter."
"Spock, you idiot," Jim said, running a hand over his face. Spock tensed, knowing Jim was irritated but unsure why. "If you've ever got a situation with an officer being an asshole, I want you to tell me about it right away, all right?"
"I am perfectly capable of dealing with these types of situations without your assistance," Spock replied, slightly offended at what Jim was implying.
"No, I mean, yeah, I know you are, that's not the point," Jim said, causing Spock further confusion and explaining nothing at all. "I'm the Captain. I want to know if a member of my crew is causing trouble. And I especially want to know if someone's saying shit that…"
Spock waited for Jim to finished whatever he had been about to say, but he remained silent. It would be difficult to question Jim on this simply because Spock really had no idea what the problem was. Part of his duties as First Officer was to reprimand the crew, and Jim had never said anything about it before now. This wasn't the first time he had disciplined an officer without Jim's approval, and it certainly wasn't going to be the last. The only difference in this situation was Spock's suspicions that the man had motivations that were based more on prejudice than on a simple attitude problem. He couldn't help but wonder if Wilshaw would have listened to the order had it come from Jim.
"I had no difficulties," Spock said, hoping Jim would understand that and let it pass. "However I will be sure to inform you of any insubordination in the future."
"As soon as it happens," Jim stated. "I want to know the minute something like this is going on." Jim grit his teeth, eyes narrowed and dark. "If there's anybody else here who has problems following your orders, they don't belong here." Jim's heel was slowly grinding down into the ground. His hands were fisted and he was clearly not getting any calmer. "Or in Starfleet."
Spock was surprised by the vehemence in Jim's voice. Of course, he agreed. Any officer who would disobey the First Officer was not welcome in any chain of command Spock had ever known. Yet Jim was so furious about this. Spock would have understood it more if it had been Jim who had been challenged. But since it was obviously a matter that Spock needed to resolve himself, Jim's personal interest in it was a bit much. Still, Spock knew Jim was a loyal friend—his anger was most likely on Spock's behalf, which was thoughtful but also completely unnecessary.
"I appreciate your concern," Spock said. "I will inform you immediately the next time a similar situation occurs."
That seemed to make Jim relax slightly. At least, he stopped grinding his heel into the floor. "So what do you want to do with him?"
Spock raised an eyebrow. "I believe that is entirely up to you, Captain."
Jim looked at Spock incredulously. "Oh, come on," he said, taking a step towards Spock and then quickly away again. "Don't you want to figure out what his punishment is? I mean, I know I'd want to do it if I was you."
The corner of Spock's mouth lifted upwards. "I have no doubt about that. Be that as it may, it is standard procedure that the Captain decides the punishment for insubordination."
Jim rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. "Okay, fine, then I'm asking you to advise me. As my First Officer, you can do that, right?"
"Of course," Spock replied.
"Excellent," Jim answered, grinning evilly. "So what should we do to him?"
Spock closed his eyes for a few seconds and opened them, deeply unsatisfied to see Jim remained half-insane. "Jim," he said, gently. "There really is no reason to become so agitated over this incident."
"No reason," Jim repeated, scowling.
"No," Spock replied. "There is not. Please stop acting deranged in a misguided attempt to defend my honor."
Jim stared at Spock for a moment before he spluttered. "Deranged? I'm not acting deranged," he scoffed. "I'm doing what any sensible person would do."
"Which is?" Spock asked.
"Get really fucking pissed off," Jim replied, eyes glinting. "I get that's not your thing, so I'm doing it for you. No worries there."
Spock realized with heavy resignation that Jim was going to be angry until he had punished Wilshaw. The idea was actually quite appealing to Spock, in that some type of punishment needed to occur and if Jim doing it would get him to calm down, then everything was solved. So Spock looked at Jim another moment before nodding. Jim showed his teeth in what was supposed to be a smile but instead was overtly threatening.
"Good. Let's go," Jim said.
Spock followed him to Wilshaw's quarters, unsure how he should proceed. It was his duty to reprimand the crew, but if Jim wanted to do it Spock had no particular qualms about that. Maybe all he'd be expected to do was look foreboding in the background. Spock could look foreboding like nobody's business. He considered it a necessary job skill.
Wilshaw was in his quarters, of course, with one guard who looked slightly bored waiting outside. The guard straightened up when Jim and Spock came by. Jim nodded at him and he opened the door, allowing them to enter Wilshaw's room.
At first, it appeared empty, but a second look showed Spock that Wilshaw was sitting in the far corner with his eyes closed. He looked up when they entered, eyes widening and then narrowing in quick succession. Jim walked over to stand in front of him as Wilshaw scrambled to his feet. It was clear that he respected Jim, possibly even admired him. This only convinced Spock that the entire altercation had been evidence of the prejudice Sulu had warned him about.
"Captain," Wilshaw said, standing at attention and saluting him.
Jim sneered at him. "I'm not your Captain," he replied.
Wilshaw looked confused, hesitant. "Sir?"
"I will not have any members of my crew express insubordination or intolerance. Is that understood?" Spock hadn't known Jim's voice could sound so cold.
"Yes, sir," Wilshaw said, but his body language didn't agree with his words and Spock knew Jim noticed it too.
"I'm recommending that you be dishonorably discharged," Jim said. Wilshaw's eyes widened, and Spock couldn't blame him. He hadn't expected the punishment to go that far. "I'll be dropping you off at the next Federation outpost, where you can take the next ship to Earth."
"Please, sir, it was a misunderstanding, I just—" Wilshaw began, but Jim cut him off.
"Your record and the eyewitnesses say otherwise," Jim replied. "You might be able to get out of the discharge if you make a good case. But I doubt it." He turned his back on Wilshaw and began walking out of the room. "We will be at the outpost in two hours. Pack your bags. You'll be on Earth within the week."
"It was just one mistake!" Wilshaw exploded, throwing his hands out to his sides. "I should at least get a second chance!"
Jim whirled on him. Spock watched him in awe. He had never seen Jim so furious before. "Unless you conveniently forgot, this assignment was your third chance."
Wilshaw's eyes widened. "Those were just misunderstandings!"
Jim shook his head. "You bring disgrace to that uniform every second you wear it." He turned and walked out, pausing only to tell the guard, "We're through here. Don't let him out of this room."
Spock followed Jim down the corridor, feeling an odd mixture of pride and fondness. This man was going to become someone great, someone so powerful and important that words would hardly be able to describe him. Spock had thought it before, and now he thought it again. It was a privilege to be able to watch Jim as he grew into his command.
Almost a minute after they'd been walking, Jim turned to Spock, eyes lit up and breath coming in short, heavy bursts. "That was kind of awesome," he said. Then he grinned and Spock was reminded who Jim really was and why, even now, Spock wanted so badly to be around him whenever he could.
Two hours later, after Wilshaw beamed down to the outpost with his belongings, Jim ordered the ship to warp away, back towards their original destination. Spock looked over at him, saw that Jim was already watching him, and nodded once, firmly.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Part 9
Feedback is love. <3
EDIT: OMG
nix_this did Apogee fanart!! ♥ ♥ ♥ She made Spock in the lake from 6b YAYZ!! And it is beautifully awesomesauce and win in every way. 
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-07-20 11:50 pm (UTC)Yay for protective!Jim! I do so love your Jim, little girl though he may be from time to time. He should just tell Bones already—it's not like the man won't figure out soon enough.
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Date: 2009-07-21 12:41 am (UTC)LOL, I hope you don't actually die slowly b/c that would be bad. Unless you're like me and enjoy slow death by angsty UST. :P
Protective!Jim makes me so happy. He's got this great combination of traits that make him so delicious to write, srsly. And yeah, Bones will know soon... SOON!! XD
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Date: 2009-07-20 11:57 pm (UTC)I don't even know where to start with this other than saying that I think this may be my favorite chapter of Apogee thus far. Omg. It was made of Love.
First you had insecure!jim...well, not insecure so much as low self esteem Jim which is just awesome. I especially liked how you followed that up in the next part of Spock's pov by having him comment on Jim's 'high intelligence'.
Second, your Bones is a sneaky sonuvabitch. I like it. And I have so much love for you right now for adding in more Bones time. I'm looking forward to interlude so much and it's such a relief to see someone actually take into account the fact that he has psych training. You = &hearts
Third: The Wilshaw Situation. OMG. I loved how Spock handled things but Geezus, Jim was BadAss. And more importantly, I'm excited to see how his crew reacts to realizing that fact. Because up until this point he's been friendly and personable but he hasn't really had to show his 'means business' side before. I see this as a real turning point in that matter.
I also really liked your mention of how the loss of most of the cadet class had led to people graduating who would not have otherwise. I'm really curious to see how that affects the Enterprise in general.
And to finish with lolz. This was the best frikkin line(s) ever!
Maybe all he'd be expected to do was look foreboding in the background. Spock could look foreboding like nobody's business. He considered it a necessary job skill.
I had to take a moment to properly lolz about that when I read it, although I think I might have scared my cats. ::blinks::
You rock chica, and I can't wait to read chapter 9. :D
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Date: 2009-07-21 08:24 pm (UTC)I think the people who talk the most and are the loudest and try to get the most attention are the ones who really don't believe in themselves. So it makes sense to me that Jim doesn't have a great opinion of himself and is trying to combat that by getting other people to like him. And of course Spock does't agre, and this will be awesome when it becomes more apparent. *nodes fervently*
Bones is incredibly sneaky, but I also think he's wondering about a lot of stuff. He's known Jim for a long time, so he's got to be a bit confused about exactly what the problem is, even though he's got some ideas. I'm actually in the process of re-writing a scene in 9 to account for all the Bones knowledge, LOL! I honestly forgot he has psych training, but now that you said it, everything makes sudden sense to me! LOL, my mind, WTF SELF.
Wilshaw... *kicks him* Spock was able to handle it and that's what was important, but equally important was Jim's OMGSTFUASSHOLE response to the situation. And yeah, I think people are going to be a bit surprised at Jim's bad-ass side.
I do think that Starfleet had to lower their standards a bit just to fill required positions. I mean, I think the loss of one or two crew members is fine, but once it gets to be more than that it becomes a problem for everyone. So that'll be interesting.
LMFAO, YES SPOCK LOOKS FOREBODING!! And I think he does it with grace and charm. XD
9 is coming hopefully soon, and you'll get a kick out it, you Bones-lover you. <3
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
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Date: 2009-07-21 12:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 12:40 am (UTC)LOL IT'S NOT A STIGMA!! But Jim's got this THING and it will all MAKE SENSE, I SWEAR!! *headdesk* But really, the prequel will sort all this nonsense out for everybody. *nods fervently* Of course Bones is still going to be Jim's friend. Poor Jim, he's just so confused. >.<;;
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 12:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 08:29 pm (UTC)9 is getting written, so no worries. \o/
no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 12:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 08:36 pm (UTC)ICON LOVE!! *steals and runs*
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Date: 2009-07-21 12:57 am (UTC)You're a fabulous writer. I'm so caught up in the story that I'm surprised when I reach the end of the chapter. You're build up is fantastic. Not many people actually invest the time in Kirk and Spock's friendship and then. developing it into something more.
But more importantly, thank you, thank you, thank you for actually dealing respectfully with Spock/Uhura. I don't think she's bitchy at all, just stubborn.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 08:50 pm (UTC)It's good to hear that you're really into the fic. I'm trying really hard to make sure that, when Kirk and Spock eventualy get together, it'll all make sense and there won't be a weird jump in time/logic/emotions/whatever that you see in some fics--not that it's bad done that way, but I like seeing everything play out like this.
As for Uhura, well, I agree with you! She's just working to get what she wants, which isn't a bad trait at all. I think, looking at it from a non-fangirl perspective, she's acting a way that should be applauded and not rejected. I mean, you can't fault someone for working towards love. *shrugs*
ICON LOVE!! ♥ I have to go later and steal all of your icons, b/c they're all awesome!! \o/
no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 01:28 am (UTC)I loved this line:
Then he grinned and Spock was reminded who Jim really was and why, even now, Spock wanted so badly to be around him whenever he could.
So sweet. I <3 this story. *happy sigh*
-Forever Anonymous
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Date: 2009-07-21 08:52 pm (UTC)Badass!Kirk makes us all happy. Angst also makes us all happy because apparently we are all masochists. *headdesk*
Glad you liked that line! I was worried it was too cheesy, LOL. :D
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 01:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 08:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 01:35 am (UTC)Aah, I wanted to HUG Kirk in the McCoy and Spock scene, with the Uhura questions... he was so hurt! Gah, the tension there was amazing, amazing.
BUT MY TOTALLY FAVORITE PART WAS OBVIOUSLY JIM GETTING SUPER PISSED AT THE GUY WHO OFFENDED SPOCK. Seriously, it was PERFECTTT!!! And, eee, that final line, with the NOD! Happiness.
I just love this story so much. Can't wait for more :D
no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 08:59 pm (UTC)I do think Jim is incredibly insecure, and showing more of that is awesome to do. Of course Spock can't see that b/c he just knows how great Jim is, and Jim doesn't really act like he's got self-esteem issues, so overall it makes me uber-happy this way. :D
Poor Kirk! Having to stand there and listen to that! I think I'd have kicked McCoy, srsly. D:
LMAO, YES, I loved Jim getting all defensive over Spock! Well, but that was obviously how it was going to go down, though. :P And you know, I was sitting there like "how does this chapter end?" and then it just hit me that I could include the EPIC NOD from the movie and I was like OMG DONE!! XD
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Date: 2009-07-21 01:58 am (UTC)Duuuude. Oh man. xD I'll probably be more coherent when I reread it, but all I can come up with right now is: OH NOES Jim stop worrying, Bones isn't going to hate you you asshole. D< And AAAH OH LORD ProtectiveJim is adorable. D8
Ee!
I'll try and be more coherent later. >.>;
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Date: 2009-07-21 09:03 pm (UTC)Good! I love making people squeal! Although I'd have loved damaging your reputation even more. XP
Jim is going to get everything sorted out with Bones fairly quickly--after all, Bones isn't going to let him continue this idiocy for long. And protective!Jim made everyone do a happy dance of happy. \o/
LOL, coherency is overrated. Fangirl FTW!! ♥
no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 02:41 am (UTC)♥♥♥
As my mother would put it: Keep doing this voodoo you do do so well. ♥ >:3
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Date: 2009-07-21 09:04 pm (UTC)ILU 2 UR EVEN KOOLER HOMG YAYAZ!! *flails then iz ded*
The story has BARELY BEGUN MY FRIEND. XD
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 02:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 09:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 03:16 am (UTC)"He couldn't take not being with Spock and destroying his friendship with McCoy. Since he couldn't have what he really wanted, he'd hold onto what he already had and forget the rest of it."
Ahh!! BFF ANGST IN ADDITION TO SPOCK ANGST! The things you do to my heart. X.X Jim, Bones isn't gonna abandon youuuu! ): It's sad at how aspects of the past continue to influence Jim later in life even though he's in a completely different situation with different people who care about him.
"Spock could look foreboding like nobody's business. He considered it a necessary job skill."
Spock. Oh dear. This line killed me. I'm just trying to imagine Spock thinking that phrase (in slang nonetheless)in his head, and I'm cracking up right now just imagining it. XD
Jim being protective was uber awesome and shows that even though he's the mommy of the ship, he can be totally badass and reprimand his
kidscrew. :Dno subject
Date: 2009-07-21 09:13 pm (UTC)Jim is incredibly insecure. I tend to think the people who seem the most confident are the ones who feel they have the most to prove. It's why they work so hard and do so well and act so uncaring. So it's fun including that in here. :D
Bones isn't going to abandom Jim, obviously. Jim's just being a moron. But I think people remember the bad things more than the good, and sometimes it can be hard to get over them. So poor Jim is stuck being stupid until Bones snaps him out of it! *headdesk*
I think Spock thinks in slang a lot--not slang slang, but in a much less sophisticated manner than he speaks in. XD
Jim's uber-protectiveness at Spock had everyone squeeing like freaks. LOL THAT'S AWESOMESAUCE THOUGH!! And yes, the crew is going to have to get used to the fact that dissing Spock = getting their asses handed to them LIEK WHOA.
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Date: 2009-07-21 03:22 am (UTC)In other news, this chapter was fantastic as usual XD I'm a little upset that Jim didn't find some excuse to punch Wilshaw, but kicking him off the ship worked just as well.
Lub fo' joo! <3<3<3
no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 09:17 pm (UTC)LOL, was there a freak out? Did fangirling of the HOMG variety occur? XD That's sad she didn't understand. I hope if I ever have kids (DDDDDDD: PERISH THE THOUGHT) that I'll be a cool mom and understand when my kids say something is "insert semi-slang term here". XD
Jim REALLY wanted to beat Wilshaw up, but he knew that doing so was a bad idea b/c it'd make him seem biased. *snorts* OH JIM. Not like he already seems biased towards Spock thanks to all the googly eyes. XP
UBER-LOVE!! <3
ADAKSJKLDAJSLJD
Date: 2009-07-21 03:35 am (UTC)Perfect thing for me to come back to after a very boring day. :D! Yayyyy.
This chapter was amazing. Especially those last two paragraphs, buh ♥♥♥
Apogee is being reached very, very slowly. T_T (It's good though so I'm not complaining.. much. :P )
Re: ADAKSJKLDAJSLJD
Date: 2009-07-21 09:19 pm (UTC)Glad you liked the end, I wasn't sure it worked well to end this chapter that way, but yay! :D
And LOL, the Apogee is going to be reached in a long while. See, I really did mean the "Slowly" in the title and the "eventual" in the header. XD
BTW, have I already told you that I love your Spock & kitty icon? B/C I LOVE IT!! \o/
no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 03:44 am (UTC)This is your most fantastic chapter yet. Thank you so much for the updates. Cheers.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 09:32 pm (UTC)Glad you liked the chapter! \o/ Oh, and I randomly stalked your LJ so CONGRATS ON GETTING PUBLISHED!! *throws confetti*
(no subject)
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From:no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 04:42 am (UTC)I have to confess that the whole "OMG GAY" thing seemed odd at first, and that I first felt skeptical about it all. I mean, if we still have these assholes by the 23rd century, then we're kinda doomed - but OF COURSE there will always be assholes about this issue, no matter how enlightened society becomes. That's just reality. So OF COURSE Jim would attract one - as fragile souls tend to do. (They're like magnets, unfortunately.) The whole scene with Bones is just... GUH. There's no way in hell Bones would ever disown him, so Jim thinking that is just... his childhood must have been hell. I hope McCoy wheedles this out of him sooner rather than later. The boy seriously needs a shoulder to lean on. :(
That being said - I kind of wish there was another "Othersides" chapter, because I seriously was going, "WTF, BONES??" throughout his appearances. Here I thought he had a clearer inkling, I don't know. Him suspecting Uhura made sense, but then he witnessed that (not-so) private conversation... I don't know. I thought he was a more perceptive bastard; but then again he's a doctor, not an omniscient presence. That whole turbolift conversation should have etched out a pattern for him, though... GAH. I'm conflicted.
(I still loved Jim and McCoy's banter, though. They are seriously ♥ Team Awesome ♥, and I enjoyed what they brought to the fic.)
Not sure what to think about Spock. It's also breaking my heart a little that Spock seems to admire him so much, and yet Jim has no idea. (I wish Jim could read Spock's thoughts about him as Captain in 6b - he seriously needs them.) And along with admiring Jim, also hasn't made a connection about why Jim seems better suited for him. There's so much in his paragraphs that echo my fears about Spock/Uhura in Reboot - Jim and Spock just balance each other so well, while Uhura seems to undermine that. Nothing wrong with her, obviously; she's just a different dynamic that throws a wrench in how much Spock and Jim rely on each other. That's my main fear, really... I don't think either man can achieve greatness without the other. (Which, by the way - interesting touch with Spock being ambitious. Such a human trait for him. Hmm.)
Also - TOS!Kirk is so resurrected here, OMG. With the Wilshaw scene, I mean. What a fangirl moment. ♥ TOS!Kirk was so adamant about that sort of thing, especially about Spock - I think it would carry over in the Reboot. Personally, I don't think that was too harsh a punishment - regardless of whether it was about Spock or not - but at the same time, I wonder if Jim is seriously showing his hand, here; and whether it will bite him in the ass later when (if?) Kirk and Spock become "involved". It was an interesting scene, and - seriously? Wilshaw has balls for pulling that crap after the destruction of Vulcan. What an insensitive asshole. (Good on Jim for telling him off. ♥)
Anyway - thanks for writing this, and for posting so quickly again. ♥ I look forward to the next update. :)
PS - YAY fanart! That is a lovely piece. ♥
no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 09:55 pm (UTC)I do think that people who are the most outspoken and funny and loud are the ones who have the most insecurities to deal with. That being said, Jim's got plenty of shit to deal with and he's unsure about a lot of important aspects of his life. He can project confidence, but when it comes down it he really just hopes everybody's buying it. I've never accepted any character as the "cocky bastard" stereotype, and it was easy to dismiss that to see what I think is really going on. Which there will be more of, so if you like it, yay! \o/
You know, I think it's strange that people are able to accept the prejudice against Spock more than the prejudice against homosexuals. I mean, when it comes down to it, TOS really showed that prejudice is alive and well in the 23rd century and I think XI would mirror that. And most people are able to get over their prejudices, but there's always going to be assholes who can't. That's why I wanted to show three cew men in that scene--two of them are fine with Spock's orders, and one's got a problem. That's kind of how I see prejudice going down here--the majority of people are okay with whatever, but then you get that one asshole who just has to cause problems.
There'll be more about Jim's childhod in future Apogee chapters, but really it's all going down in the BB prequel. :P And Bones is definitely going to knock some sense into Jim soon b/c he can't take it anymore. Bones has a low tolerance level for idiocy. *loves him*
Well, there's a lot that Bones might have been trying to do here, but I think it comes down to the fact that he doesn't want to force Jim into admitting anything. If Jim comes to him willingly, that would be better. So he doesn't particularly want to force Jim into confessing, but he also doesn't want to leave the situation alone, so it can be a bit confusing for him. But I think the good doctor's going to make more sense in 9, or at least I hope so a whole lot! XD
Jim and McCoy ARE INDEED TEAM AWESOME!! ♥ I concur.
Eventually Jim and Spock will come to a mutual understanding about their feelings for each other, as well as a whole lot of other stuff. I am very excited for this to occur. In the meantime, we all just have to suck it up and wait. As for Uhura, she is getting in the way of K/S, but I also think that this is a necessary step. Jim's had his share of romantic flings, so he can know that Spock's different and more important. I highly doubt Spock has had any experience with romance so far--he lived on Vulcan until his early twenties and then he immediately went into Starfleet. I don't see him getting into relationships with humans easily. So I see Uhura as Spock's first relationship, and he needs the experience of it failing to understand why he needs to be with Jim. Um, in my mind? :P
Spock's ambition--I'm not even going there right now, lol. But yeah, consider it a direct correlation to his time on Vulcan.
Kirk definitely doesn't stand for any prejudice at all. I'm sure he'd immediately tell off anyone who showed it, but in this instance it also affected work and SPOCK so you know he wasn't going to take that shit. I'm not sure how harsh a punishment it was. I mean, Spock had already arrested and confined the guy. Jim recommending him for a dishonorable discharge and throwing him off the ship seems reasonable, but also a bit overkill. I can see it from both sides, which is my problem for most issues, really. XP And don't think I'll make it easy on anybody--Jim being too obviously biased towards Spock is going to have consequences.
I did think about the Vulcan attack and everything when writing that scene, and it did occur to me that Wilshaw had serious problems. But I also think--well, consider it this way. When people hear on the news that someone was killed in a hate crime--does it really affect the people who are prejudiced against that group? I actually think the people who are prejudiced against Vulcans might see Nero's actions as a good thing. *headdesk*
FANART IS LOVE!! \o/
OMG ICON LOVE!! Those four trees in different seasons are so beautiful and poetic. <3
/FUCKING LONG AS SHIT REPLY
Sneaky!
Date: 2009-07-21 05:00 am (UTC)I've been checking your epic fic masterlist for updates instead of your actual journal so when you said you edited part 8 a little part of me screamed in joy. That's TWO chapters I got to read at once (at work ;) ) :D :D
I have a serious love on for your Kirk/Pike interactions, I can just picture the two of them awesoming at each other on the viewscreens. It's actually kind of hot!
The Kirk / Spock mirror POV structure you have going on is probably my second favourite thing about this fic (first being the characterizations), I love seeing this type of pattern in writing and being able to maintain it without letting it get stale or predictable is a feat. Hats off to you.
Re fanart - <3 <3 <3 back to you. As for the speed, once these things get into my head it's just safer for everybody if I let them out immediately lol. I'm so glad you loved it! Uber-critic turned itself on about halfway through and started bitching about the arms and face proportions but I figured if I threw enough pretty colours at it, it would be fine :D
And speaking of getting things out of my head : http://not-sleeping.deviantart.com/art/Fanart-Die-in-fire-Scotty-130282173 <-- Have a chibi. LOL As soon as I typed that out I had to do it. I. HAD. TO. And now I have poker scenes and Kirk and Bones lushing it up in sickbay dancing in my head. Super kudos for making these feel so alive!
Previous discussion - Arkham Asylum is fantastic. It's the Batman book I had to own before I was a hardcore Batman fan. It's a perfect study of the character and illustrates how a great hero is best defined by his villains and who has a better rogues gallery than Batman? Plus - Dave. F-ing. McKean (hee hee - fangirl much?)
-Signal to Noise is a beautiful and poignant story about a filmmaker dying of cancer imagining his last work - a film about a village in 999 A.C.E believing that their world is about to end. Lots of metaphor and parallels and the art just sucks you in. You'd probably like it :D http://images.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=http://farm1.static.flickr.com/173/435459148_39bb6132fe_o.jpg&imgrefurl=http://flickr.com/photos/52602441%40N00/435459148&usg=__3GO4_qNDu0RQxx_g9uGbNf4sB2s=&h=842&w=612&sz=212&hl=en&start=9&tbnid=GZXCb0btvXwheM:&tbnh=145&tbnw=105&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dsignal%2Bto%2Bnoise%2Bmckean%2Bhorsemen%26gbv%3D2%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-US:official%26sa%3DG <-- I could only find 'War' - but imagine this on a full 9x12 panel.
But I will not be rec'ing any more fic (though two updates so quickly make me think it may not be as big a fear as you're leading me on ) I am much much too selfish and demand more Apogee! More!! I bet you there's another fanart scene totally waiting in part 9 lol Did it work?
Thanks again for writing such awesome fic - I can't wait to see where it goes (at warp one, of course! ) :)
Re: Sneaky!
Date: 2009-07-21 10:16 pm (UTC)Pike is just generally made of win, so it's easy to have him and Kirk be awesome at each other. I'm excited for more of that at some point. \o/
The mirror structure, nice word choice BTW, is so difficult to keep going but also very necessary. I'm so glad it's working for you b/c I always headdesk when I've got to re-write it YET AGAIN! D:
PRETTY COLORS MAKE EVERYTHING FINE!! But also I really did love the first fanart and I think the proportions looked great! Besides, you can always say he's in water if anyone bitches at you about it, although it really does look awesome so I can't see why they would. XP
YAY ANOTHER FANART YAYAZ!! *does happy dance of uber epic gleeful joy* OMG CHIBI!SPOCK IS COMPLETE AWESOMESAUCE!! If you want to keep making awesome Aogee fanart, that's cool with me. Really. I, SHOCKINGLY, have no complaints on that matter at all. XD
Arkham Asylum is one of the only GNs I have ever actually stopped to look at the drawings on--like, really STOPPED reading and just sat and stared at them. I'm also a fan of CLAMP, very popular manga artists who you most likely already know. I love X/1999 (http://view.thespectrum.net/series/x1999-volume-01.html), but here's a few (http://static2.animepaper.net/upload/thumbs/scans/X-1999/%5Blarge%5D%5BAnimePaper%5Dscans_X-1999_wingss(1.37)__THISRES__228485.jpg) examples (http://static3.animepaper.net/upload/thumbs/scans/X-1999/%5Blarge%5D%5BAnimePaper%5Dscans_X-1999_pink-sakura(0.71)__THISRES__168164.jpg) of (http://img2.isoshu.com/cover/manga/L/20080530173111.jpg) some (http://imagecache5.art.com/p/LRG/9/935/BDTX000Z/clamp-cardcaptor-sakura-i.jpg) work (http://imagecache5.art.com/p/LRG/9/935/DDTX000Z/clamp-cardcaptor-sakura-ii.jpg) they've (http://img2.findmanga.com/manga/Cardcaptor_Sakura/46/01-02.jpg) done (http://media.photobucket.com/image/rayearth/Ember15/Other/Magic%20Knight%20Rayearth/MagicKnightsRayearth.jpg). They do a lot of awesoem lines and colors and they'e VERY GLBT-friendly. \o/
I will now have to get Signal to Noise. That one panel was completely awesome in every way. *WANTS NAO*
LOL, THAT TOTALLY DID WORK. I'm working hard on 9 but I actually thought I'd finished one scene when it turns out I haven't and there's at least another 3,000 words I wasn't expecting thanks to Jim's angst. D: So it will still be some time before that gets up, but I'm hoping within the week!
It's going... somewhere. Even I don't know how everything's going to end, actually! That's probably not too reassuring. :P
no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 05:14 am (UTC)Yeah, totally stopped everything I was doing as soon as I saw you updated. LOL ♥
Oh Jim~ Bones will probably kick your ass when you tell him why you were afraid to tell him in the first place. I'm getting the feeling Bones already had an idea (I mean, seriously, how could he not?), but that he wants Jim to admit it first. Of course, that'll will probably take a few more parts of Jim telling himself he really can get over this. JUST EMBRACE IT JIM! EMBRACE!
The Spock and Wilshaw incident was awesome. Jim was such a badass, protective captain. You'd think after two hundred years, people will start realizing prejudice is completely illogical, but that might just be wishful thinking. Still, Jim was awesome. Love the bit where Spock says just that. And I wonder how the crew will react now knowing their Captain is more than willing to boot them off the ship
if they're mean to Spock. LOL ♥I know I've said this before, but you write brilliantly. I love the way you structure your story, with Spock and Jim contemplating the same issue and how differently, and yet exactly the same, they both feel about it. And you mix it all with good plot and fantastic dialogue. Seriously. You're definitely skilled, and I adore this story so, so much.
Oh yeah. Maybe all he'd be expected to do was look foreboding in the background. Spock could look foreboding like nobody's business.
LMAO You had me in stitches!
no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 10:27 pm (UTC)LOL, I'm writing an Apogee prequel for the
WIN!! <3 I drop everything when I get an idea for Apogee, actually. The other day I was literally in the middle of a sentence talking to my sister and I ran out of the room to write down what I'd just thought of. XD
Well, if it was left up to Jim God only knows when he'd get the guts to tell Bones. So you know Bones is going to have to suck it up and yell at jim about his idiocy. I'm actually re-writing a scene in 9 now to deal with this b/c I didn't think it would go down this way, but what can you do? These characters, you know, they're just uncontrollable.
Spock and Jim both have to deal with prejudice in different ways, so it's still very much alive and horrible in the 23rd century. I think TOS shows that and XI canon should mirror it. I think Kirk wanted to do a LOT MORE than just kick Wilshaw off the ship, but there are limits. XD
Thanks for the compliments!! :D It's going to be important as the story progresses that they do think differently about a lot, but I hope in the end it will just all make sense and work well to form a complete picture of their relationship. That's the goal, anyway. :P
LOL, lots of people quoted that line. I thought it was too funny when I thought of it and I couldn't leave it out. XD
no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 05:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 10:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 05:43 am (UTC)Particularly in the incident where Spock was more concerned with the fact that the Officer wouldn't listen to orders, rather than concentrating on the fact that it was racially motivated, like Kirk did. This was really an ordeal that shapes how their personalities and their relationship entertwines to make something that balances so perfectly.
In addition to that, the introspective Kirk parts show how modest he is on the inside, while still being kind of attention whore on the outside. Sort of like the opposite of what most people would be hiding. I loved how he got a rush out of punishing Wilshaw, something of enjoying making things right in the universe, but without his usual lack of self preservation and bloodletting.
McCoy's involvement with this was great because it shows how much his opinion is valued to Kirk. I love how in a sense, he is testing the waters in the ordeal between his three friends by, from my observations, concentrating on their reactions rather than the words they are speaking. I love how devious he is, like an emotion ninja.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 10:56 pm (UTC)I like that Spock was more focused on the actual insubordination than the reasons behind it, which as you said was more Jim's concern. It shows that they work well together as a team, which is so obvious is canon and is something way fun to play with. \o/
People hide what they don't want other people to see. Jim would rather be seen as an attention whore than as insecure, which says a lot about his character and what really attracts me to him. I think Kirk likes doing the right thing, and although normally it does involve punching people in the face, he still gets a kick when it doesn't.
LMFAO!! McCoy is an emotion ninja!! YES I HEARTILY CONCUR WITH THIS AWESOMESAUCE STATEMENT!!! ♥
no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 08:06 am (UTC)Aw! <3
This whole chapter had me cackling! But the scene with Bones was heartbreaking... I hope he fesses up to him soon. :)
no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 10:57 pm (UTC)Jim will have to confess to Bones b/c if he doesn't he is going to implode. XD
no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 08:26 am (UTC)The pace of this is killing me, but at the same time I love it, because all I seem to be doing lately is wishing decent fics were multi-parters rather than one-shots.
Keep up the good work and the brilliant frequency of updates.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 11:00 pm (UTC)Who me? Use "awesomesauce" a lot? ... Shenanigans, I say, pure shenanigans.
I keep on finding good one-shots but they don't actually last long enough for me to really get into them. I need a lot for me to get into fics. The Harry/Draco fandom spoiled me rotten like that. XP
I'll keep writing until it's done, which will hopefully not take WAY TOO LONG. *types away*
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 02:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 11:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 01:06 am (UTC)And love it. You write the characters beautifully and everything and I just luv how you write. Anyway I hope you update soon, I'll be able to fangirl with my buds.
^-^
no subject
Date: 2009-07-25 02:48 am (UTC)I'm so happy you're into the fic, and it's great to know you like the way I'm writing it. I'll be updating as soon as I finish the next part! :D