Writing and other shit

[kowaiyoukai]

You know, I was reading mistful's latest entry, and it really got me thinking.

I heart my fanfiction, and I want to finish it all. But, I mean, come on, self. I'm already 23 and I've got no money. Why am I not concentrating more on my original works?

I should finish off TBKS and Metanoia on, like, weekends or something, and focus the rest of my time writing my original stuff.



This would work 38972349082349827 times better if my twin sister siriuslyyellow was not always taking my computer from my room.

Example: This week, my computer was really not in my room at any point. Sarah has off from work on Saturdays, which makes her feel like she should have the computer then. Okay, fine. Except that I also have a free day on Saturday, and I could spend the whole day writing. But she takes the computer anyway, and then normally it's in her room all day Sunday b/c she wants to use it Sunday night when she gets back from work. Even though I'm home all day Sunday. Then, Monday comes and she's supposed to move it back in my room, but she's running late and didn't, and when we get back home at about 10:30 PM she doesn't want to move the computer. So it stays in her room on principle, also I was reading Animorphs and wanted to get through some of that. Then, Tuesday comes and she's got off from work again, so it's in her room all day. I asked her to move it back in my room Wednesday morning, but she doesn't b/c she gets up late. Wednesday night she doesn't move it back in my room either. Now it's Thursday. Sasuke (my computer's name) is still in her room, and she's already said that she'll move him back to my room tonight, but the thing is, tomorrow we're visiting sizijee, and so I need to go to sleep early so I can get up tomorrow and pack and leave. So does she. So, what's it matter if I have Sasuke tonight? I had free time all week, but Sa took him every day.

This isn't an isolated occurrence. It just annoys me sometimes b/c I don't write on paper very well, and then I get ideas for stories but I never jot them down and then I either forget them or am busy doing something else when I finally DO get to use my computer.

I mean, this is the problem with being a twin. Everything had to be shared or it's a disaster. I think a normal sibling could just say, "Hey, screw you, I'm taking my computer back now. Get your own." But she doesn't have enough money to buy a new computer, and so we have to share.

Except, WHY do we have to share? I mean, I paid for the computer myself. Actually, I had sizijee pay for it, then paid her back. My point being, why does it always end up that she uses it for things like watching AMVs and reading manga, when I actually need it to write?

At least we don't have the internet. Otherwise, I'd never get my hands on it.

I don't know what to do. I really need to start writing. To get my stuff in magazines and then eventually get published--that's the goal. So, how can I do that when I never have access to my own computer?

The worst part is that she guilt-trips me, probably unintentionally, when I complain. She starts talking about how we don't have enough money b/c if we did she'd buy her own, and that she's got stuff to do too, and why shouldn't she be allowed to used the computer, etc. I mean, I don't think I'm being too unreasonable by wanting to use my computer. But sometimes it's just like she only sees things from her perspective. The other day she told me I could just write on a notebook. I was like, no, I want to use my computer. I told her she could play a video game or watch a movie or read fanfiction or something. She was like, no, I want to use the computer.

So, what happens there? Especially since we've got this kind of shared property rule in effect. I don't know what to do about it, but I'm getting really depressed about the whole thing. I really want to write more than I do. I don't understand why other people, YOUNGER THAN ME, are getting published, while I'm still trying to figure out how to find the time to write.

I don't know. It just sucks is all.

On a related note: for my graduate thesis, which is going to be in Spring 09, the professor I really wanted to have as my adviser told me he was going on sabbatical and might not be able to supervise it. Which sucks, since I've had problems in the past with professors telling me they don't like sci-fi/fantasy stuff. Which is bullshit, since my stuff actually ISN'T sci-fi/fantasy, it's just sort of related. So, what do I do? Go with a professor I don't know who might like sci-fi/fantasy, or go with someone I do know who doesn't like it? I mean, can I really get anything out of working with someone who doesn't enjoy my genre?

Le sigh.

Comments

[destructo-bot.livejournal.com]

I totally feel your pain-- on about an equal level, because I'm not twenty-three and don't have bills to pay, but I am trying to make something of myself and we DO have internet-- HIGH SPEED internet now. I can only get on on rare, sporadic occasions when my brothers aren't here.

Also, as much as I heart reading fanfiction, I don't feel the need to write it as much anymore. I love creating my own characters now, even moreso than writing fanfiction about characters I love. I think I'd sooner finish my original harem story than that fanfic I started way before the harem story was even thought of... but I digress.

I agree about writing in a notebook-- it does nothing for me. I'm a pretty fast typer, but when I'm writing I feel like I'm not getting the words down fast enough and they evaporate into nothingness before I finish. Also, I'm left-handed, so unless I have another piece of paper covering up my writing, I get lead or ink on my hand. D:

Oh, on a semi-related note... I was really, really bored in Newspaper one day because we'd just finished a really really hard issue of the newspaper and sent it off to be printed, and there was nothing left at that moment for us editors to do. I was whining to my teacher about doing something, and she said to write. I said I didn't really feel like it (because I didn't), and I asked her didn't she sometimes feel like that? She said no, she always wants to write, but she never has time, and that I should appreciate that I have the luxury of time to write. So with that in mind I sat down and cranked out about a quarter of a new chapter for my harem story, and felt good about it too. I'm not trying to preach to the choir here, because it seems to me you're just like my Newspaper teacher in this instance, I'm just pointing out a related case.

I hope things work out for you. Keep the faith. (^^)b

[kowaiyoukai.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think fanfic is great fun, and a great way to hone your skills, so to speak, but overall there's not a lot you can do with it in terms of making money. I mean, people like mistful and Lady Jaida and Cassandra Claire, who get published possibly because of the popularity of their fanfiction--well, that's just incredibly rare.

I see what you're saying. Sometimes I'll have the time to write but don't really feel like it, and then I'm stuck. I think I should just crack down whenever I get the chance.